Pasteurization is Actually Just Heating Food to Kill Bacteria that Could Make You Ill or Kill You.

   If you're like me, you know how brilliant I am. And if you're like me you also know the advantages of an unhealthy lifestyle. But you're not like me so you may not know one or both of these in spite of the title of title of this blog. But rather than tell you how fantastic and brilliant I am I wish to tell you how good life is now that I am living the unhealthy life.

  The inspiration for this comes from how many people are talking about the need to "detoxify". The grumpy Bill Maher, the vivacious Susan Summers, and quite possibly even you think that the fewer chemicals that enter your body the better off you are. You couldn't possibly be more wrong, (or wronger to the hippie "I don't need no prescriptivist grammar" generation).

   Lets avoid the sticky pharmaceuticals argument. Those nasty chemicals which you berate to such a high degree have saved my life, so obviously I think that aspect of the unhealthy life are beneficial without explanation. Don't tell me that a chihuahua will cure what ails me, be cause I've been around chihuahuas and I was ill all the same (if not worse because of it). Tylenol is derived from willow bark, Singulair is derived from pregnant hamster urine. What could be more natural, and gross.

   What I wish to address is food. The modern chemistry set has made such delicious things, from blue flavored beverages to Cap'n Crunch. These things are meant to bring a joy that can only come from chemistry. I have said before (in my previous blog) that my daily high school lunch consisted of PowerAde and gummy worms. This simple meal gave me all the electrolytes and empty calories I needed to last the rest of the day until I could get home and eat potato chips. My dear mother made sure I ate a nutritious meal consisting of some sort of processed cheese food and bread made with bleached and enriched white flour. Last night my sweety and I even ventured to eat pizza. After being resuscitated by homeopathic EMTs I now feel good.

   My point? I have been living the unhealthy lifestyle for twenty some odd years. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I can eat whatever the heck I want. I don't have to drink green tea. I can drink blue kool-aid. And really what can be better than that? And what's more, I feel that my unhealthy life style has done more than make me one with the universe. It has made me three, possibly four, with the universe. And that's more than you can say for your wheat grass unpasteurized milk shake (made in something other than a blender because that would be considered processing. -  Hah! Beat that semantic argument).